The Research Forum: Construction of Social Reality Series
Copyright (C) 2007 Raouf Tajvidi
Welcome to My Funeral!
I believe this is a surreal experience for us both: after all it is not common for a dead person to address his own funeral! But the intriguing part is that I have done this more than once, as some of you know!
I must admit, as I sat down to write this lecture, I realised writing posthumously is not that easy. The mind has to be in two states, alive and dead at the same time. Of course, my experience of the living world was relatively extensive but for life after death I had to use my imagination. Surprisingly, it turned out to be the most enjoyable lecture I have ever written in my life, or death!
First, let me tell you why you are here: Curiosity. It is not often that one is invited to a lecture by a dead man. But I had to do something original. The reason being, I never believed in funerals, in the same way that I did not believe in weddings or other socially constructed categories that reduce the depth of human experience to sentimental rituals. But when I was repeatedly told by those who spent more time with me, and therefore would theoretically feel my absence more after my death, that they wanted to hold a funeral for me because they needed to console themselves somehow, I agreed to a funeral to be held, provided I give the speech!
What I intend to argue today is that you are not here to mourn my departure or celebrate my life, but to address your own emotional vulnerability because you cannot comprehend death, and most of you have tried to avoid this "unpleasant thought" throughout your life. That is why I decided that it is possibly more appropriate to provide an environment for an intellectual exchange on the topic of death in the gathering after my death. Don’t worry, it will not be heavily philosophical and you will get a reading list in case you want to pursue the matter further from now on.
The objective is to encourage you to accept death as part of life rather than perceive it as something opposite of life.
But before I go any further, I would like to ask you all to stand up and observe two minutes of silence, not for my death, but you own uncertain life ahead. May I remind you that, unlike you, I am the only one here that has no anxiety or worries about the future, every thing about my present and future state is CERTAIN - peacefully quiet. I have joined eternity, I am beyond time.
S I L E N C E !
After these thoughtful moments, let’s come back to your life, or my death!
Death as Social Construction
Generally speaking people in most societies avoid the subject: they regard the discussion of it depressing, unpleasant and futile. Death is opposite life. It is a sad thing that happens and we cannot stop it and so why should we think about it? I was not convinced by this argument. I saw death as part of life, in the same way day and night are part of the 24-hour-cylcle; spring and winter are part of the year. So, to understand and enjoy life more, one has to make sense of death.
We have to be careful not to be intimidated by our own socially-constructed categories and institutions - and death is one of them.
Most of us are from conservative societies, where they resort to religious morality as a way of maintaining virtue and order. Hence the idea of God, life and death, good and evil, heaven and hell have all become interwoven for us from childhood, creating fears of different kinds in life - with death being the ultimate form. This is true even for those of us who are from secular or atheist families: we find ourselves haunted by some sort of fear, fear of being wrong, fear of uncertainty, fear of death, and …even fear of life itself. This fear spoils the joy of living and distorts our role in making life even more beautiful, so, we have to deconstruct death in order to get rid of any fear that undermines the quality of life.
Let me begin by defining death:
Medical Death
The scientific-medical definition is “permanent cessation of all vital functions, the end of life.” The classic indicators of death are the permanent cessation of the function of the heart and lungs and in the overwhelming majority of cases these remain the criteria by which a doctor diagnoses and certifies death. In the 1960s, however, medical technology advanced to the stage where artificial (machine-assisted) maintenance of breathing and heartbeat became possible in cases where the lungs and heart would otherwise have stopped functioning due to gross structural brain damage. This promoted a re-examination of concepts of death and the development of criteria for the diagnosis of brain death. This is defined as the irreversible cessation of all functions of the entire brain, including the brainstem.
An individual can therefore now be certified legally dead if there is either irreversible cessation of circulatory and respiratory functions or if the criteria for brain death are satisfied.
This technical definition was necessary in order to emphasise why among us today, I am the least bothered about my death - I just don’t feel anything. It also demonstrates why you feel a degree of sadness, because your brain is still functioning.
Metaphorical Death & Empowerment
There is another way of dying too: you can also die metaphorically. That is when you want to conclude a painful phase of your life and start a new stage. In this sense, today is not the first time that I have died. In fact throughout my life, particularly amidst some of its most depressing phases, I declared myself dead several times, and sought to initiate a new life with altered/new values. Of course, I started this when I was a romantic teenager and deep into poetry. What I was not aware of at the time was that I was using the idea of death in order to reinvigorate my life: this was an act of empowerment, not weakness.
Painless Death
Furthermore, throughout our lives we choose to remove people from our lives, and in most cases without much pain - and we are not even bothered by it. I am thinking of some of the schoolmates, colleagues at work or ex-girlfriends or boyfriends who fade away. Some do this to their children, parents or relatives.
Interestingly enough this sort of death does not seem to bother us that much, because we have a choice and that the process is reversible. With physical death that choice does not exist.
You and my Death
Let’s see what it is that bothers you about my death? I can think of several scenarios here:
1. We had such good times together that you now miss me badly.
I know the feeling. I went through it several times in my own life time. It is regrettable. But the good thing is that we have had so many good memories together in life that you can at least continue to think of them for as long as you are alive. No one can deny that pleasure to you.
2. You wish you had spent more time with me or being nicer to me when I was alive.
I really appreciate the thought, but life is neither about the past nor the future. Of course, you could have spent more time with me or being nicer to me, had you defined your values and priorities in life (work, family, friends…) differently. The fact is that you could not really do it, your priorities were revised several times and you just had other more important things to do. True, individuals are responsible for their decisions and they also pay a price for them. But you must also remember that the decisions you made at any one time, were the best decision you could have taken at that time. So, there is no room for regretting anything. I do understand that. Just try to prevent the cause of future regrets from now on. Life is a one-way road and you have no reverse gear! I believe, what can be consoling to you at least, is that I do not hold anything against you - I no longer have these silly human qualities!
3. You are really mourning your own death in a way, since my death has reminded you of the inherent uncertainties and anxieties of your life, in a way its meaninglessness. You know that you are also mortal and that there is no way that you can stop this incomprehensible thing. You wonder what happens to you and your loved ones when you die.
Well, let me assure you, nothing much: you will have no worries, just like me right now. As for your loved ones - they get over your death, time heals. What you need to appreciate is that the problem is not death itself, but our understanding of it. As Epictetus used to say: “…it is not events that affect us, but our interpretations of them”. Social construction of reality has equated life with eternity. So for us, living means being eternal. But be realistic, we cannot live forever, our bodies are not designed for this purpose. Even the healthiest of human beings finally dies. What you really need to do is to think about death rather than avoid thinking about it.
The sections below highlight some of the key aspects of body and mind in relation to the past, present and future:
Past: Relatively Certain, Virtual Dimension
1. Your mind spends a lot of its time here reminiscing.
2. You cannot change the past.
3. Source of pain, regret and pleasure.
4. You never die here although the moments are dead.
Present: Fluid, Real Dimension
1. Your body is always here.
2. The only real dimension of your life.
3. Conditioned by past and future
4. Construction of social reality takes place here.
5. You can shape the present.
6. Source of life.
7. You mainly physically live here.
Future: Contingent, Virtual Dimension
1. Your mind spends a lot of its time here dreaming.
2. You can change the Future.
3. Source of hope, anxiety & uncertainty
4. You will definitely die here.
What the sections above show you is that the most important and the least appreciated component of our life is the present. We waste it on reminiscing in the past or dreaming in the future. This escapism is at the root of our fear of death.
Death and Philosophers
For Buddha it was life that was the cause of suffering, not death. The Greek stoic thinker, Seneca, commented on the shortness of life: “Life is long if you know how to use it.”
The German philosopher, Heidegger, on the other hand argues that “realisation of one’s death is the key to authenticity.” By recognising that death renders everything meaningless and ends all possibilities, we come to see that we can either confront this fact or seek distraction from it. To accept it fully is not to reject participation in the life of the world. It is simply to see the activities of the world within the context of an awareness of death and to confront the absurdity of finding oneself inhabiting a life that was preceded by nothing and will be succeeded by nothing. It is this realisation that can make a person accept responsibility for his or her existence, because the nothingness that surrounds one’s existence renders everything meaningless, and that meaning and values can be bestowed only by oneself.
So, if we choose to live authentically, we have a lot to do, we have enough time to do it and by the time we get to the end of our lives there is not much that we want to do.
That is why I do not regret my own death: I enjoyed living, I did what I wanted to do, I realised some of my dreams, I failed in achieving the others, yet I always tried to live consciously and I am pleased with the peaceful deal I have now.
The three dimensions of my life, the past, present and future have now merged into one for me, eternity: I will live from now on as a memory or narrative among those of you who will from time to time think of me - of course for as long as you are alive!
Farewell!
Further Reading:
Jean-Dominique Bauby, The Diving-Bell and the Butterfly (London & New York: Harper-Perennial, 1997).
Ernest Becker, The Denial of Death (New York: First Free Press, 1997).
Klaus Bergdolt, Wellbeing: Cultural History of Healthy Living (Cambridge: Polity, 2007).
Michel Foucault, The Archaeology of Knowledge and the Discourse on Language (New York: Panthen Books, 1972).
Chris Gilleard Paul Higgs, Context of Aging: Class, Cohort and Community (Cambridge: Polity, 2005).
Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha (Picador, 1998).
Glennys Howarth, Death & Dying: A Sociological Introduction (Cambridge: Polity, 2006).
David Hume, On Suicide (Penguin, 2004).
Allan Kellehear, A Social History of Dying (CUP, 2007).
Sarah Nettleton, The Sociology of Health and Illness (Cambridge: Polity, 2006).
Sarah Payne, The Health of Men and Women (Cambridge: Polity, 2006).
John Ruskin, On Art and Life (Penguin, 2004).
Jonathan Rutherford, The Art of Life: On Living, Love and Death (London: Lawrence & Wishart, 2000).
Jean Paul Sartre, Existentialism & Humanism (London: Methuen, 1948).
Seneca, On the Shortness of Life: Life is Long If You Know How to Use It (Penguin, 1997).
Clive Seale, Constructing Death: the Sociology of Dying and Bereavement (CUP, 1998).
Carol Smart, Personal Life: New Directions in Sociological Thinking (Cambridge: Polity, 2007).
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